Friends(hips)

I have a feeling all my blogs start pretty much similar recently. When we went for lunch last week, one of my Slovenian friends said: "What's up? It seems you are just complaining." It made me think and I guess he is right. I do complain a lot, I also complain much more over the social media than I do in real life. At least, this is what I would like to think. I also hope complaining will help, at least make me feel better if not making the whole situation better.

I miss my friends lately. Like a lot. How difficult is it to keep a long distance friendship? Sometimes it is problematic even when both friends are living in the same country, not talking about the friendships that are separated into two different countries or continents. How many friendships survive just because one of the people invests a lot of time? And when I have such a feeling with some of my friends, Mischa reminds me then how many emails remained unanswered on my side. How many messages were stuck because I wanted to answer them properly, how many skype meeting cancelled because I did not feel like it at the moment, how many trips not done, just because I never took time? I guess friendship is always driven by both parties, probably sometimes even more gentle than a relationship and just needs a lot of love to survive.

I know I feel like this partly because I realised recently how happy I am to have all these amazing friends, but also because my life is not easy at the moment. The end of my PhD is coming closer and, even if I don't like to admit, it does stress me a lot. It does make me feel like I am a complete failure on times and I am not good with dealing with this. Then you start thinking what else have you done in these last years and there is not much to tell. I think language made a huge impact and, besides some people at work, I have not really made much new friends (not speaking that I have really not done much more than just work). This doesn't make me more confident either.

I guess we don't always need to write long emails or have hours of conversations on skype. Sometimes it is enough to send a simple message and say: "I think about you." It makes life nicer and better.

Things and thoughs

It's almost two weeks since our wedding and I am still overwhelmed with everything. I was told that after having such an awesome time and following an event like that, it is normal to feel a bit empty, a bit lonely, a bit ... Of everything, I guess. I have checked the photos a million times and talked to everyone that was at least slightly prepared to talk to me, but it still seems that everything is running out of my hands, that memories will soon be just memories and we will return back to our boring lives, meeting only when we will not find any other excuse that will keep us away from each other.

But then ... How grateful I am to have that day, to realize how loved we are and to see people that traveled the whole world just to be with us on that one day. No matter how cheesy it sounds, it was the most amazing, magical and perfect day. They say that your friends tell a lot about you and when we were observing the two completely different groups, coming from several different countries, becoming friends as soon as they met and enjoying in each others company, we realized that we will be just fine. And even though that exchanging the rings and we promising that we will stay together in whatever the life throws with us was the purpose of the day, having an awesome time with everyone we love was just as important.

They said to me before that Saturday: just enjoy every second of the day, it is going to pass by too fast anyways. And now, that everything is over, I am realizing how right they were. When we were leaving back to Switzerland, Mischa looked at me saying: "When you are having a face like this, I know you had a good time." And he was right, it was difficult to leave, it is still difficult and I want to trick my mind with the "excuse" that we will manage to repeat something like that again: a party, a fun night with all our closest friends and family. But I guess, until then, all that is left is: thank you all for coming, it meant a world to us. And special thanks to our best friends, Ana and Jerome, to stand by our sides on this special day. You two did such an amazing job and we cannot imagine to share this with anyone else than you.